Ha – this began as a journey into the elucidation of a thousand beautiful things
But what flows easiest from my hand and is desperate for release are things less obviously alluring; a catharsis, seemingly the opposite of my intent.
A purging of demons; an opening of the soul. The urge to clean before settling into a comfortable chair to relax and soak in the beauty of the surrounds.
But there is also something beautiful in this cleansing, releasing, revealing. To no longer be held ‘prisoner’ of ones (inner) peculiarities. To recognise them, to embrace them and put them off to the side, for they will never being truly purged; to acknowledge them and when they try to wrest back control they can be gently but firmly rebuffed. ‘Thank you for reminding me that you are there but at this point in time I do not need you’.
There is an unexpected pleasure in this outflowing of negative energy. A direct connection from the heart across my chest, through my shoulder down my arm. The pressing of my fingers tips, and the way they conduct the delicate movements of my pencil; to inscribe the words on a page.
The compulsion to stop anything and everything to write; a desperate, not to be ignored, urge. So if you see me pullover it is not the ring of my phone but the call of my heart that I am answering. Its’ insistence that I stop and record its’ need to solidify its’ feelings and revelations before they dissolve into my blood, are dispersed and remain trapped in my body.
Have I revealed too much, maybe?
Is it a problem, once, when it mattered more to me what other people thought than how I felt, but that was another time and this is now.
So there may be more of this purging to come. It may be confronting, it may shock, it may trigger a recognition but know most of all that it is not a bad thing it is a good thing for it lightens my heart both in weight and illumination.